I'm alone for 3 days. Except for those ppl who come visit me in my hermit existence of WORK! that is, grade 12.
For the first time in SOOO long i've turned up music really loud and although i cant help thinking of the poor 3 yr old child living next door and his parents trying to slp i figure that just this once they can deal with it... i justify it more as pay back for the FRIGGIN front light they keep on all night which shines onto my pillow....

I figure there are few hotter things than really good techno and an imagination. lol

Life... well.. where to start...
i started this (academic) year by travelling down to Melbourne to visit my dying grandfather. Stayed with my alcoholic father and visited family. For 4 days i felt as though i could die any second i was in his car and also felt most joyous elation as i jammed for 4hours one night with my aunt, uncle and their firend, an native american associate who played didg, djembe (excuse spelling as always) and who chants.
there happened to be a flute there which i play and a harp and one piano and a keyboard.


words can not explain

so amazing
connected to life

and so i return to this thing called school and education, going what the fuck: this is such shit
this isnt real
what the fuck are you trying to tell me!
you wankers
go get a real syllebus
and Mr F., learn how to write a fucking criteria sheet.

the morning after the jam, my aunt- La la, comes into my room, wakes me up and we walk down to the beach (inverloch) i dive in, the sun is rising, hazy as the fires were raging all around the region, and i cant breath, its so cold my lungs cant contract, my diaphram has cramped somewhere near my throat.
after a hundred meters of butterfly going against the current i'm warm enough to breath in gasps. My skin is tingling... i'm so alive... i feel as though i could swim out beyond the heads and i'd transform into a seal and i could live a real life forever more...

well yes until i was eaten

but you know thats REAL
not this living just to consume
to be part of a society


I've started Zen zen zo PAT classes which are wonderful but a big change from YPAT (Youth actor vs adult [pat])
reason being my tuesday are now consumed by VAPAR rehearsals - Midsummers!!!!

night dream


soooo excited
will inform of casting next week...
should be nervous but i'm more so about things like debate on wed and a film narrative that needs construction...

i have a desire to find my self an old camera- that works. there are 3 in my house but all have something or other wrong with...

One of the reasons that this year has started off really baddly is i cant focus on all this crap learning; i'm too engrosed in the environment and its beauty.
to busy smiling
or crying

a few days ago i walked outside and found myself twirling in the rain, laughing becasue of how magical and special it was/IS and then crying becuase one day it will not be like that....

ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there is work to be done before swimming trainning in the morning *smiles with great enthusiasm*

i'm loveing this thing called life
because although it hurts, well , becuase it hurts, the beauty is everywhere.
i am intrigued...
there is so much more than i know

and no fucking textbook or education system will every show me
they can all go stuff it

luv you all
hugs all round